Note: Since wrestling's been SOS (Same ol' Shit) for eons now, I really haven't felt the need to update this. Hell, they haven't given me any material to work with and I'd be repeating myself again and again each week. But for my recent takes on wrestling, hit The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly for further venomous goodness.

****5-14-01

Well, it's that time again for RAW is WAR, from Cincy.

Flashback to Smackdown aka Undie's Show. And guess what? As much as I hate to say it, the son of a bitch makes the show interesting. Now if that isn't an indicator on how much it's blowing goats, nothing is.

OK, we start off with Austin, HHH, and the always Tramptacular Stephanie. Yakking and blowing that is getting nothing but my fast-foward button. Until...

Here's Undie! Yes, folks, I've finally turned into one of those fans I swore I wouldn't become: the ones who only watch for their favorites. But who can blame me with the shit they've been throwing our way? Well, back onto the topic: Undie's here (and wearing a flattering ensemble, if I say so- nearly looks like he lost his gut). And he's doing a Mr. T impersonation with all the chain-age. Here it comes, folks- another line snitched from Full Metal Jacket ("give your soul to the Lord Sunday morning, because your ass belongs to me."). Dork...

And now here comes Kaney Bear, chain in hand. Chain swinging all around and a challenge for tonight.

Angle and Regal- pretty good.

Radicalz- next!

Trish and the new Divas video. Oh yippie skippy- they're going back to all the T&A. Fast-forwarding through this shit.

And still...

And still...

And Undie flying down a flight of stairs in one big white, tattooed blur. The audio didn't pick it up, but I swore he was saying, "ouch, ouch, ouch, SHIT!, ouch, ouch, ouch" on his way down. Bet the Dead Man hasn't moved that fast since the last all-you-can-eat rib buffet at the Sizzler.

Back from commercial and yep, you guessed it, the wife is now part of the angle. Lord, I figured it would come sooner or later. You can't go walking around with that huge tattoo on your neck that's visible and not get her in there somehow. She has been in a "car accident" and Undie's rushing to her side. And the "Brides of the Undertaker" or female "Creatures" who were in denial (it ain't just a river in Egypt) weep...

All this gets a big "WhatTheFuck?" from me. Why this is now an angle is beyond me. Christ, the Big Bossman pulling Big Show's dead daddy around in his coffin made more sense.

Yeah, kiddies, let's play the "fast-foward game."

And we stop at CJ/Benoit v. Edge/Christian. Not too bad but this stolen medal angle gets another "WhatTheFuck?"

Yes, Regal, beat the living hell out of Grandmaster Sucksay.

And, the "fast-foward game" continues right on through.

Can't even stop for an APA sighting with that much shit in the ring (Big Show/RTC).

Kane's pissed. Kane wants to be with Sara and his brother. Diana rolls her eyes and inches further under the couch, muttering, "Goofy SOB..."

And the main event, or lack thereof. Big beatdown, bunch of shit, good night. Out of the 2 hours and change, I watched -well- about...10 minutes.

5-2-01

Well, well- guess what's back after a nearly 6 month hiatus? Since I'm feeling especially catty today (thanks to my English 50 final- goddamn thing), I thought there's no better time to update the Rant 'o' Rama for RAW 4-30-01. Unfortunately, there's no Monday Night Crew to be there with me, so I'm flying solo on this one.

Angle and Benoit opener- now they're fighting over medals? Talk about a "whatthefuck?" Alrighty then, next.

Edge v. Matt Hardy- not too bad. At least Matt doesn't try so much shit to kill himself. A little more work on the ring and mic skills and he'll be ready to rumble.

Steve Regal- bless this man for making segments of RAW tolerable.

And, next: WHERE'S THE FUCKIN' REMOTE! Shit, those who are here because they're members of the Kliq and the Dudleys, who became their bitches at Backlash. So glad I didn't pay to watch that suckfest. And, of course, Little Spike jobs to X-Puke. This is an 11 on the 1-10 scale of nastiness. It's nasty, right down to their theme (worst fuckin' song on the Uncle Kracker CD, however the rest is pretty damn good) and X-Puke's moon boots (those damn things look exactly like those foam-looking winter boots that were the rage in the 80's).

Kane kicked Stephanie in the face at Backlash. *wild applause* But is that a bruise? Looks more like she was eating bread and grape jelly and got it all over her face.

Now here's Kaney, who is showing the folks how you legit sell this shit, down to the limping and cradling his big ol' arm.

Edge and Christian argue and I smell a breakup, which means Edge will be pushed and Christian will be jobbing on Jakked sooner or later.

Ah, there's a couple of my boys: the Acolytes. Shit, they need a push and feudin' with Bob Holly ain't cutting it. Someone on a smart site said that they should challenge Austin and HHH- I like that one. I really like that one. Another version I read was Bradshaw should have blasted Austin when they were in Texas and right after the heel turn- would have been great. Bradshaw could have gotten a rub but, of course, this is Austin and we know how this game works with him, right?

Shane- bump machine. The boy's gonna kill himself but -damn- is he a team player, or what?

Rhino- still ain't feeling it. Maybe down the road, but not now.

N-W-O. Oops, wrong promotion. Shit like this is why monopolies aren't good. Yes, WCW was in the shitter but at least there is an alternative. Now, it's the waiting game until the lemmings jump off the bandwagon. Come on- the train's slowing down: now's the time to hop off before your ass gets introduced to my big ol' boot.

Anyhow, there's a lot of ass kissin' and other assorted wretch-worthy shit that's just beggin for a fast-forwarding. And Steve Austin must be the most forgiving motherfucker because he's joined up with his arch-enemies. Can't forgive Debbie for spilling coffee on him, but no problem forgiving the man who plowed him over with a car. Am I missing something here? Also, what's up with this Bionic Redneck bullshit? A man with 2 knee braces isn't bionic- he's gimpy. Damn- this is looking real cute, I tell ya: you know this shit will take up the show for months. Thank God nice weather is here and there are other things to do instead of being cooped up in the house watching this gag-inducing shit.

The Artists formerly known as the Acolytes v. Bob Holly and a liquored-up Crash. Sound ass whoopin' there. One thing- the APA needs new gear since they ain't throwing people into Caddies for Taker or going by The Acolytes anymore. They obviously spend $$$ to outfit Taker with that whatever-he-wears gear: trickle some of that money down, folks. At least they don't have the Medieval Melting Symbols of Doom on their chests anymore.

Oh, and it must be "MOD Memories" night. Just check out the samurai elf hair on Taker. Haven't seen hair like that since he was hanging Big Bossman from the ceiling in Philly. And it gets worse right at the "Big Daddy Deadman" line. It's official, folks- he's lost what little mind he has. All the years of coloring his hair have caught up to him- it's seeping into his grey matter. Where does he get this shit -- no, wait: I don't want to know. I know too much already- snitches lines from Full Metal Jacket, Young Guns, and Clint Eastwood movies. Chants courtesy of Excalibur. The rest comes out of what appears to be In Living Color from the early 90s and a smattering of Jeff Foxworthy Show. Big Daddy Deadman?! Big Dorky Deadman is more like it. What a nut... :P

Test v. Trip. Test's getting better in the ring. Still needs those little briefs again, though. But I'm liking him again, just due to the ring work and that he does provide a pretty good foil to Steph-Steph at times.

And now for our "grab the lotion and start the motion" segment of the night for the teen boys out there. Uh huh- I'm really going to watch two women who can't wrestle for shit in the ring. This is already a reason for not buying Judgment Day. Good way to fuck up the buyrate for people who actually like wrestling. Hell of a concept, ain't it? Anyhow, lots of talking about spanking and lots of tissues being grabbed out in the audience. And they must be hard-up (no pun intended) for someone to wank off to if it's Chyna and Lita.

And Chyna seems to be shifting into the heel Sable mode, meaning in a few months, she'll find someone shit in her gym bag. That leads to: suing the WWF, thinking she has a career without the fed's PR behind her, and then ending up on some B-rated show, if that, desperately grabbing onto the outer rims of the spotlight. Then when this is all realized, she'll be introduced as Joanie Laurer- better known as Chyna from the World Wrestling Federation.

Told you I was catty tonight.

Then Taker and Kane get the beatdown by the nWo and that's where my night ends. Good Night and drive home safely.

This is fucking bullshit. Same old Shit every week.

12-4-00

If you're looking for a nice, elaborate Rant 'o' Rama you ain't getting one. Go Here instead. I'm figuring this will be updated more than this section.

****7-24-00 to whenever

Well, wrestling's not showing the Monday Crew much. In the honor of our heroes, the Acolytes, we have been playing poker, and the Ogre's kicking all our asses and is on a winning streak. I've been watching Taker getting the tar beat out of him in a new angle with Kane. Jeezus, will that shit ever stop? So we're gonna see UT vs. Kane- match 4000 at SummerSlam. Bubba Ray doing his "WHAZZZUP!" gives us some happiness. And, Ogre says wrestling's officially dead to him after the "No Mo Ho" match. So, overall, we ain't happy campers with wrestling. It's been the S.O.S. (Same ol' Shit) every week. Until they give us some good stuff to watch and review, we are drinking and playing poker on Monday nights. Bradshaw and Faarooq would be damn proud of us...

****7-10-00

Well, it's another Monday night, which means I'm at the grill, whipping up some BBQ with some of the finest BBQ sauce Austin, Texas has to offer. And, tonight, in the house we have Ogre (as always), Giant Killer (who is still as strange as ever), and Big Dave, who hasn't watched pro wrestling since the 80's and is in for one hell of a surprise.

And, we're actually watching NITRO, mainly because the boys are looking for a Major Gunns sighting, we're trying to slowly warm Big Dave into the "Sports Entertainment" era, and I'm needing a Kronic fix. As 9 hits, Big Dave, who's totally into the Steiner/ Awesome match is pleading, after the night of promo city, that we keep NITRO on. Should have- because here comes Shane. Long promo- don't even care.

Jericho and Road Dogg- alrighty then. Should I really care? Nope, didn't think so.

And, here comes my boy, who is going for the mic, which means I hit the deck. And, the goof starts off sounding like Buh Buh Ray in stuttering mode or Porky Pig. Did any of you guys get what he was saying? (Dave, Ogre, and Giant Killer shake their heads). But, with Kurt out there, it ends up being one decent promo. That scooter bit was pretty damn funny.

Val Venis is shorn- hell, what is going on around that place?

Women's street fight- now this is better than evening gown matches. I want to see Trish's ass kicked. And, here comes Dancin' Stevie. Giant Killer: It's Steven Richards. I don't care what any of you say- he's always going to be Dancin' Stevie to me, even if the Daisy Duke shorts and long hair is gone.

And, no Dudleys tonight, which is a crime in itself. And, since I've seen all my boys, the boys have seen their chicks of choice, the show's over.

****6-26-00

Well, judging by what I saw on the newsboards, I'm feeling pretty good right now that I saved my cash. I figured I'd be getting all the good highlights on RAW, anyway. This was one PPV that even sightings of my dear boys: Undie, Buh Buh Ray, and Chris could get me to buy. I sure as shit ain't paying $30 to see the McMahons further whoring themselves in front of the camera, or a main event with HHH, them, and Rock. Oh, and by the way: that was the second Hardcore Evening Gown match there, chief. The first: Al Snow and Droz. How could I forget that memorable quote: "Don't just sing it; bring it, bitch!"

Yep, it's now tradition, and I doubt I'll ever be watching RAW alone again. I also rumbled with the grill for the second time before RAW and, dammit, I won this battle. And, the Ogre kept his paws off of it. I couldn't afford getting another inch-and-a-half lopped off.

And, mark it down in the record books, folks: when RAW came on, we actually wanted to watch NITRO. Yes, the show some call Nothing Interesting: Turn RAW On. Reason: Hacksaw Jim Duggan. So, DUGGAN = RATINGS, folks, especially for we older fans, who grew up on WWF back in the day. Some of you younger folks and newbie fans will never understand the true coolness of Hacksaw. To me, he was and still is so much cooler than Hogan.

Anyhow, the highlight of the night was Mick returning, which was cool, even though HBK had to be there to introduce him. But, who gives a shit? Mick brought some life to the show. But's what with the haircut?

Second highlight: Kurt and his regal attire. I was hoping for a close-up and some tears, but I'll take what I can get. He looked like the Imperial Margarine guy. I was so wishing for a coronation of King Kurt- it would have been funny as all hell: it's true...it's true.

STEVIE RICHARDS CUT HIS HAIR!!! This is not good, folks. First, Eddy gets rid of the mullet, then Mick practicaly bald- now this? Stevie, sweetie, this might not have been the best decision. I just hope this trend doesn't continue.

Third highlight: The goober being able to wrestle with chaw in his mouth: pure skill, my folks. And, what's up with this Redneck look? We are really trying hard to get away from all that hocus-pocus aren't we? Hell, I see guys dressed like this at Pechin's, the jewel of Western PA. :-P Oh wait, he is a Redneck- my bad. But, hell, it is possible, even in those jeans- I swear I saw the *ahem* package. And, he again did a little sign and said something to the camera. Choices for tonight: a) The Sizzler rocks, man! b)Beechnut Wintergreen Chew- makes you minty fresh c) Look- isn't my devil hat the coolest? or d)Yes, this screams poser bike, but I keep the good stuff nice and safe at home.

Other than that, I saw minor Dudley (please keep the blue camo, guys) and Jericho sightings, and my Acoyltes won the battle royal. And, the rest of the show sure didn't capture my attention.

****6-19-00

Well, Redneck Central at my house again. And, hell, since we've done this solidly for a month now, you know what that means: it's now tradition. Bet my neighbors are just loving us now. Copenhagen being passed around, ribs being eaten, plans to see David Allan Coe (think bastard child of Willie Nelson and Charlie Daniels- he's the dude Kid Rock mentions in "American Bad Ass") being discussed, and my hair being singed at the grill (thanks for hitting the ignition switch there, Ogre, while I was trying to turn off the gas). So, by the time the show rolled around, I was still spilling out swears that would make a sailor proud. I never realized how versitaile the word "fuck" is until tonight. And, I now know what Glenn Jacobs sees when they shoot those rice paper flame things at him. I saw orange, but for added attraction, I saw the ends of my hair falling off my head and smelled that lovely smell that won't go away. But, the darling boys tried to console me, by telling me 1. Thank God I don't use hairspray, or else we'd be going to the ER and 2. It could have been worse- eyebrows take forever to grow back.

And, I still managed to grill my ribs, even though they kindly persuaded me that it might not be the best idea and I should just go in the house. They weren't about to give me an out and out "no", because with the assumed crazed look in my eye, they probably figured if they pissed me off, they'd be spitting out teeth instead of tobacco juice. Yeah, I can be a hothead at times; it's the Irish in me. Now, let's get to the review.

Well, judging by what I've read, I sure as hell didn't miss too damn much, except for Buh Buh and Kurt's match. So, I'd like to give the booking committee a big old middle-finger salute. You know- what you're passing off as entertainment is shit. I don't call Stephanie's fashion mistakes, HHH's bitching, and the McMahon promos that are seemingly endless good TV. If you're going to take so much damn time yapping, give the stick to someone who can fucking light the place up. IMO, there are only 6 people who should be able to rip on the mic until their lips fall off: Jericho, Buh Buh Dudley, Al (especially with Mick), D-Von Dudley, Mick, and Angle. Did you make this list- no. Then shut the hell up!

I picked up on the CJ/ Edge match. And, CJ wins, which helps to make the night better. I'm glad I missed all the bullshit prior to this. It's almost enought to make me switch to WCW and watch for Kronic, my reasons for liking them are pretty much just hormonal. 2 Bryans + muscles + singlets/ leather pants = YOWZA!

And, here's the big ol' goof now. And, we have a sweet recap of Taker spitting tobacco juice on Bull.

Well, the American Big Goof makes his way to the ring. And, he gives some kind of personal signal towards the TV. Here are your choices tonight folks for its meaning: A) A personal "I Love You" for his beloved and/or family or B) "You were so damn right, those chili dogs do give you hellacious heartburn" or C) "Quick impression: Sammy Sosa after hitting a homer" or D) Something that members of the obsessive UT sect will personally think is for them; after all, he cybers with them. *rolling eyes*

Well, Taker gets thrown around and I cringe at seeing him sail towards the outside. I've definitely developed what I call the Mick Complex towards him. After Mick's hellacious bumps, and seeing all those injuries taking a major toll, I couldn't watch him in the ring without being absolutely, completely worried about him. And, goofball wins. And, on a totally estrogen-related note, I'm really liking the new image and all, but I really miss those tights. Of course, if wearing the Levis means we continue wearing shirts that accentuate all the good things (those arms and chest, baby!), I'm all for it.

Oh, and the mystery of Taker's Chaw of Choice is solved folks. From examination of the package goofball had in his hand and consulting with the Rednecks in the house tonight it's- Beechnut Wintergreen. The Red package is straight ol' Beechnut. Like someone told me, at least he's minty fresh. Told it's not too damn bad of a choice for chewing, but for dipping, you can't beat Copenhagen Long Cut. Did I ask for this info? Nope- got it anyway.

Well, folks, that's it for tonight. I want to see a Rock vs. T&A match like I want to go outside again, crank up the grill, and get the Ogre to help singe my hair again to the roots. And, everyone wonders why I won't get KOTR? I'm not paying money for a PPV when I'll see all the highlights (or lowlights) on RAW.

****6-12-00

Well, the whole motley crew was here tonight and turned my house into Redneck Central: the Rock Mark, Giant Killer (newly converted UT mark), the Godfather mark, the Austin mark (and our wing god for making his far-out there concoctions that taste pretty damn good; you just don't want to know what's in them), one guy who hates wrestling and was only there for the wings but finds Major Guns (WCW) pretty hot, and me.

No wrestling conversation tonight. Tonight's topic was wrestlers and valets who are the hottest and most do-able, the conversation starting after I was drooling and marking out over Kronic's appearance and the boys over Major Guns. Hey- forgive us, most of us were under influence of alcohol, and some also added Copenhagen to the wrestling ritual. Plus, the fact when we get booze into us, those who start out with little shame end up with none whatsoever. Since the conversation took a mighty lewd turn, I'll spare you the details. Top of the guys' list: Lita and Major Guns from WCW. Mine: well, you loyal visitors can probably figure that one out...

And, at 9 we were somewhat attentive for RAW. Anyhow, 30 minutes of bitching until the first match starts. And, thank you camera man for the glorious shots of Undie tonight. And, has anyone seen the new posed photo of the American Badass? That one will cause a major estrogen surge. Oh baby!

As for matches, CJ put on a good show. I marked out when they announced he was the mystery opponent for HHH. Vince, Shane, and Stephanie were doing their fair share of bumping, but still need of my damn TV. Buh Buh and D-Von were as great as ever, even with all that fucking interference bullshit. And, it seems they're teasing about Kane's mask removal. And, Undie chased after Bull in a Town Car. And, I betcha he stopped at a Denny's and liquor store before he came back, too. 325 lbs.- uh huh. At least I'll be more discreet that the guy over at the Wrestling Observer, who called him the American Fatass. At least we don't have to see that poochy belly in spandex. I miss those glorious sightings of the big ol' Texas Anaconda, but I'll live. Crash got his belt back. And, Matt Hardy and Benoit put on a good match. And, the last thing I remember was that chokeslam from Kane and UT to HHH.

Well, that's about it. The show wasn't stellar outside of this, and was best watched under the influence of alcohol. Too much whining and shit, not enough wrestling. The post-RAW depart was more interesting and my neighbors are probably ready to kill us for it. Good Night.

****6-05-00

Tonight, I had 3 guests for RAW. One Rock mark, one HHH mark who's converted to UT since he's a "badass" now, and one Godfather mark who was excited I found him a Confederate flag bandanna at the flea market so he can be like Buh Buh Ray. And, of course you have me, who loves all the wrestlers everyone hates. And, after Jack Daniel's Hurricane punch, plus wings, we argued over who were the best wrestlers ever (Flair came up a few times) and waited in anticipation for RAW.

Anyhow, the whole room groaned while HHH and the McMahons made their appearance. And, how many fuckin' times have we heard and seen the same shit? Bitch, bitch, bitch, and it's so official: Stephanie can't dress for shit. Christ, I wouldn't go out to get the newspaper dressed in shit like that. Honey, you aren't a size 2. We see the Rock, which brings up one cheer, then Kane who we all love, and last but not least- Taker, who graces us with his presence. And, he hits the mic and does some trash-talking. For added effect, the goof is chewing tobacco and spitting. I'd really hate to be in close vicinity to the stage, because he was spitting for distance. Maybe with that chew, he should reform the Goodwins with Mideon. And, the consensus is in: he sounds just like Stone Cold.

Next mark-out moment of the night: Trish getting the stinky face after the Motley Crew vs. 2 Cool match. We were all chanting "Stinkyface" like absolute retards, but at least it was in the privacy of my house. Her whole face was buried in his ass, which brought up a cheer.

Mark out moment number two: when Buh Buh showed up, with that crazed look in his eye. And, dammit, he almost got Tori. I had to love him sneaking up on her. Yeah, I'm a Buh Buh mark: sue me.

Kane being interviewed. You know- Glenn's good on the mic. And, he eerily sounds like an old-school (circa mid-90's) Undertaker. No shit- close your eyes, and you can imagine the big goof when he was in his whole "Reaper of Souls" sthick.

We were loving Crash Holly tonight. His whole Elroy thing is just too sweet, but in small doses.

After that, we saw the big goof spitting on national TV. Yes, he's infamous for his gross habits, but I didn't need to see that shit that close-up. But, good form there, Calaway. Even The Ogre complimented him on that one. Now, remind me again why I missed this jerk so much?

Next, we have a 3-way battle for the #1 contender spot. Thankfully, TakerBiker chucked his chew and donned his bandanna before he hit the ring. Rock's the #1 contender- gag me. How many fuckin' HHH/ Rock main events do we need? This shit better change. Way things stand, not even a match with Buh Buh Ray, Taker, or CJ will get me to plunk down money for another fucking Rock/ HHH main event.

Chyna/ Eddy vs. Godfather/ Deano: don't care.

I got a Edge/ Christian/ Angle vs. Jericho/ Dudleys match. Damn, 6 of my faves in the ring at the same time- pure bliss.

And, we're graced with one more UT showing before the show's over. Thankfully, he didn't had any chaw in.

Other than that, SOS: Same ol' Shit. You know, Russo, even though he's the motherfucker primarily responsible for the joke that is pro wrestling today, said that the WWF's running out of ideas. Yeah, he shouldn't throw stones in glass houses, but it's something to ponder.

****5-26-00

He's back!! He's back!! And, no damn bathrobe! WHOOHOO!! Anyhow, my boy's back and kicking major ass. For the first time in 8 months, wrestling seems -right-.

Well, anyway, Rock's on a mission to kick some DX ass. First victim- Vince, in a quite hilarious segment. Then, the rest of DX falls throughout the show.

Well, since everything else is a blur, except for Taker's return, I'll end there. He's looking good, and moving good. It was worth waiting 8 months to see the new "American Badass" looking so healthy.

****3-29-00

Yeah, haven't updated this in awhile. Actually, there's nothing of great importance to write about.

Each week, it's the same thing. DX runs rampant, the Bimbo Division gets larger and larger (except for Amy Dumas, because she puts Chyna to shame), Stephanie still still looks like she dresses in the dark, and Tall Paul is showing his humorous side but still won't cover up, which means I'm progressively going blind.

There are some bright spots, though. My blonde Canadians still give me much joy. My boy, CJ, is still great. Edge and Christian are finally going heel, which I'm loving. My boys, the Acolytes and Dudleys, still kick ass and dear Buh-Buh Ray has put Trash Stratus through a table, a move I'm grateful for and would love a repeat of. And, I think the best gig for Dennis Knight since Southern Justice was being the Acolytes' bitch. I am also absolutely loving Al and Steve, who are the best pair for comedic purposes. And Eddy is still great. Angle's still being booed out of the building. But, even with all this, there hasn't been any landmark TV to write about.

There's no dead doofus. He's been out since September, after he walked out and probably made a beeline to Denny's and/or Dunkin' Donuts. The Big Dead Goof is supposed to now show up in June. So, there hasn't been hide nor hair of him. And, he's now the big dead redhead. Yep, the hair's back- red, red, red everywhere. Actually, it's more like a flaming blonde-orange, due to leaving the stripper on a bit too long. Dammit, you better show soon. My thought is he's so damn embarrassed about leaving the color stripper on too long, turning his shoepolish black locks into orange-juice blond and this whole rehabbing the pec thing is just a coverup. :-)

****2-21-00

RAW's from Georgia. Right in TurnerLand. Sad thing the Northern competition can sell your asses out in your own hometown by 10-fold or more.

The DX bus- gag me. What asshole came up with this? I can't say DX is totally monotonous- their music tweaked a bit. Oh yeah, that's going to make them totally refreshing.

HHH is good. HHH is getting pretty damn good. HHH needs to get out of the DX shit and do his thing.

DX needs to disband- seriously.

Stephanie McMahon needs a makeover. Someone needs to grab the mic from her. And, she needs to march her ass right back to Greenwich.

Oh, here comes Rocky to save us from Steph on the mic. Nice shirt, Rock- I wonder if they'll offer that on ShopZone? And, the Rock's preaching his stuff and doing a quite nice HHH impression, if that. The facial expressions somewhat mimic Macho Man's but he's got the voice down. Keep speaking the truth, Brother Dwayne!

Another DX night- looks like RAW's going down the shitter.

Maybe not- here's my boy Mick. The reason I'm debating about buying No Mercy. I know he'll want to top HITC '98, and I don't want to see him killed. I cringed during his last HITC, and I'd be swearing at the TV at this one for him pulling crazy stunts. I really want him to get out before he is completely crippled.

And, here comes Kaney Bear and Dad.

Big melee, and here comes the Big Shmo, Big Slow, Big D' Oh, Gomez- whatever you want to call him. DX's music plays, beat down the faces, and as the commercial break begins the good guys lay in the ring.

Why did they give Chyna a bazooka? I'm sorry, but her character needs more than that for a rejuvination. And, it makes no sense whatsoever. Also, why in the hell are they continuing this angle with CJ, and now Kurt?

Well, here's CJ. And, I knew the boy has good taste, as illustrated in an article on the NHL Players' Association site. He's a big fan of Jags (Jaromir Jagr, of the Pens). And, one of the best damn mic workers in the biz. I just wish they'd let him kick some ass in the ring. He didn't train in the Dungeon for nothing.

Here comes Kurt, with Bulldog. Major props go to the guy who can get booed out of Mellon Arena. And, he never fails to get booed out of the building. I love this guy. Kurt's also damn good on the mic.

JR's really emphasizing that thousands of fans thing, isn't he? Yep, he's flipping the double birds to Turner and his organization.

Al and Steve- I think this is a great angle. And, the Dip song, the song choice of clubs worldwide. The man of no gimmick doing the moonwalk- this is great TV.

The Ho Train- no thanks, I'll just stay at the station. Give me a himbo train anyday. Yep, a line of hunky guys with long hair and/or tattoos.

NAO and the Dudleys: I'm praying that the Dudleys take the straps off of them.

And, listen to all the chicks cheering for Edge and the Hardys. The only time Edge got booed was when they announced he was getting engaged. I'm a Christian woman, myself. He's quiet, he's underrated, and he's overlooked in favor of his partner and the Hardys. But, Jay, if you ever see this- the gold wrist bands need to go. It reminds me of that chrome tape stuff you buy at Advanced Auto.

Poor Damn Dudleys- getting stuck with the NAO. They need to powebomb them through a table, a flaming one preferred. The NAO's so over-rated now that it's funny. And, the fuckin' fans that keep cheering them, yet boo when they come with HHH- SHUT THE FUCK UP! Maybe if you do, we will now longer be subjected to all that "Ladies and Gentlemen" shit.

Here come my boys. And, a replay of the segment with Mae where she hustled them. That was the best thing I've seen on Smackdown! for a long time. Makes me proud to be an Acoylte mark.

And, you definitely have to give Mae props for selling shots and taking her bumps. Rumor has it she bitched someone out backstage for being too gentle with her. Now, that's a wrestling legend for you.

Chris B. and Test. It's so nice to see him here in the WWF and away from the sinking ship they call WCW. WCW's no longer one of the big 2. ECW draws bigger crowds than they do. Test jobs to Benoit- methinks his "big push" is over.

Rikishi making fast work of Eddy. And, Atlanta's treated to a dance. I still can't get over how this got them so over with the crowd. And, you know I'll be marking out over them if I succeed in getting 'rasslin tix.

Taz and Bossman. And, Taz gets BBm to succumb to a Tazmission.

Oh yes, giving Wight pyros is going to get him over with the crowd. Damn, the cheers are deafening. Like the Rock says, his entrance means it's piss break time. 6-man tag. Melee ensues. Nothing much of importance...

Damn, the big goof's been out since Sept. 2. So, that makes- what 157 days (as of Feb 27th). Shit, I miss him. Hell, I even miss his little speeches. But, I sure as hell don't miss that bathrobe.

****1-31-00

Well, after a lot of time without an update (blame the college life and a lack of things to mark out over), here's the latest edition of the RAW is WAR Rant 'o' Rama.

RAW's live from the 'Burgh. And, I spot a couple signs dogging on Kordell- yes, we Steeler fans won't forget how he choked. We still haven't forgotten O'Donnell, and that was about 5 years ago.

And, you can't have a show without your usual hoochie mamas in the front row with their bleached blonde hair. And, the sad thing is that these gals thought they were the bomb. Actually, they needed a bomb dropped on them for that fashion sense.

My comments about Blackman haven't been the nicest, but I'm starting to like him. He has no gimmick. Al Snow's trying to give him one. He plays a great straight man to Al's warped humor. Snow Balls- yep, now that's the tag team of the century. So, I swear to be nicer to Steve.

CHRIS! DEAN! PERRY! EDDY! Yep, life's good. They beat up the NAO- even better, my friends. I'm already marking out- can't wait to see the rest of the show.

Getting a few jabs in about the WCW- preach on! They've pretty much stopped short at flipping the bird at Turner. And, the guys look really, really happy to have gotten out and made it to the promised land.

Kurt- getting booed out of the building. And, doing one hell of a job by dissing Lemieux (he's god-like here) and the Pens.

Big Show - hair - Gomez Addams.

Christian- damn, this show gets better and better. And, the Damn Dudleys. More table time. Is this place turning into ECW or what? First, you have Jeff doing Setons from the balcony, now they go through so many tables Wal-Mart's suffering from a shortage.

Chris and Co. beat the hell out of the MSP- more marking out!

Too Much, Too Cool, Too Whatever vs. Gomez. Shmo wins.

The Rock- "somebody got a haircut." He calls them like he sees them. I agree- Shmo should go back and get a refund from Super Cuts. The Rock's doing pretty good tonight. And, the "Austin Who?" is cemented: check the WWF's Attitude '99 site from conformation.

Rock finally beats Angle- you didn't think they'd make Rocky job, did you?

My boys playing poker, smoking cigars, and drinking- major marking out moment in progress. Deal me in, boys: deal me in. I'll even go on a beer run for you. Beer World's just down the highway a bit. The APA- great idea. I just love Bradshaw.

Jericho and Chyna? OK...

More of the WCW defectors meeting the rest of the crew.

Waltman vs. Jericho. Waltman wins. I'm not happy, but at least it was a pretty good match overall. Thank Budda that it wasn't for the Inter-Chris-Inental Title. At least CJ gets some good shots in on Pac.

The APA's business' really picking up.

Harvey Whippleman wins the Women's Title- the most legitimacy it's had in a long time.

Big Vis- the new mack daddy of the WWF.

Bits of the Steve Austin interview: I'm beginning to miss him. Yeah, I'm a big critic of his, but I kind of miss him. Not in the Taker level of missing, though. Sad thing is that he doesn't seem very confident in what he said.

Matt and Buh Buh. Chaos ensues, and the APA come out for some extra reinforcing around the ring. More tables being set up, and more carnage. 3 tables broken, and Buh Buh's snapping. The Dudleys sure brought ECW with them.

HHH vs. Kane. No Kane, but we get Cactus instead. And, we get more